Obama Loses Election

These are the words I’ve had to prepare myself for. The Romney train has somehow gotten so much momentum that it seems unstoppable now. It’s like a bad movie, pick any one involving a high speed vehicle that can’t stop. Only a few thoughts come to mind. First, the women of this country have chosen to be treated like some kind of inferior race. They want to be told what medications they can and cannot take. They want to have no choice in procreation matters. They want to make less money. So be it. Ma’am, if you don’t mind, I’ll just call you “door mat” from now on. Sound good? Of course it does, because I’m a man and I know best! What a world.

Second, if you’re not rich already, welcome to the rest of your poor life. You’re a second class citizen now! Oh, those rich guys told you about all sorts of pots of gold at the end of their rainbow. What they didn’t say was, your job is now to carry it back over the rainbow to the rich guys so they can be richer! Yes, enjoy your journey, it’s going to be MAGICAL!

Next, your children are all doomed to a lifetime of entrenched, land warfare in Asia. We’ll never get out or if we do it will be Vietnam II with a gazillion more deaths. Your sons and daughters are all going to die simply because Islam scares rich, white christian folk. I’ll send flowers to the funerals. I’m moving my kids to Canada. You can call me and them anything you like, at the end of the day I’ll still be able to call my kids. I’d think long and hard about that if I were you.

Last, there better not be one word of complaint when all of this comes down. YOU did this. YOU built it! YOU put the white back in White House. Congratulations to each and every one of you. I’m going to resume complaining about life not being handed to me on a silver platter. Oh yes.

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